


Lonely Parade

by airamcg



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Experimental Style, Other, POV Experimental, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-07-28 09:59:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7635910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/airamcg/pseuds/airamcg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>You don’t need to breathe, but you drown in her anyway.</i>
</p><p>(You are really bad for each other.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lonely Parade

**Author's Note:**

> The episode _Alone at Sea_ gave me a lot of feelings I can't even begin to explain. 
> 
> This is my attempt to make sense of it all.

 

_sorrow made you_

_in the bottom of the dark sea_

_sorrow made you_

_a lonely parade that doesn’t even know love_

(“The Invisible Wall” by The GazettE)

 

* * *

 

Water is your everything now.

It’s the only thing you can sense in the bottom of the ocean— its currents sloshing against your ears, its saltiness constantly assaulting your tongue and nose. It touches every inch of your body, with or without your consent, and you feel it eroding your skin, entering, seeping into every part of you.

Water crushes your heart and burns in your lungs.

You don’t need to breathe, but you drown anyway.

The chains dig deeper into your skin, and you feel _her._ They’re her hands, snaking up and down your body. There is nothing you can do to stop her-- you are forever bound to each other.

She touches you gently-- so unlike how you use to manhandle more fragile forms-- but not any less cruel. You try to bite her ( _let me go! let me free!_ ), but she just laughs and scratches lines into your face.

Sweet as honey, she whispers into your ear:

“Elite soldier on her knees, brought down by a wispy reject. Traitor, they’d say, but look at you now. I wonder how much they’ll jeer back home. Great hero of the war, now just a pathetic hanger-on desperate for any scrap of affection.”

 _Shut up!_ You cry.

“Oh, did that hurt your calcite feelings? Crush it underfoot like the pebble you are. That’s the only thing waiting for you back home after all.”

_Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!!_

The chains cut into your skin, twisting your limbs, your mind, your body, your form. Twisting until you are something else. You try to lash out at her, but you cannot move.

“How does it feel? To beg for reprieve, to cry for help— _someone, anyone, please set me free!_ — but even your own voice betrays you, and you scream endlessly, silently, into the void.”

— _You cried for help, but nobody came._

“Go on, then. Kick me while I’m down. That’s the only thing you’re good at anyway.”

A punch. A kick.

From who? To whom?

Does it even matter?

She holds you down, pinning you to the ocean floor. You push against her, but in vain.

“How does it feel to be robbed of freedom, of control, of power? This body doesn’t belong to you anymore.”

 _It doesn’t belong to you either._ You spit.

She holds you down, pinning you to the ocean floor. You pull her closer. Perhaps that will work better.

In the maze without an end, you circle each other. Closer and closer. Neither giving in, neither giving up.

She holds you down, pinning you to the ocean floor.

You plant a kiss on the hand that holds. Sweet as honey, laced with arsenic.

Water is your everything now.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kanji lyrics were taken from here, but the translation used in this fic for the line “愛情も知らぬ孤独なパレード” was done by me


	2. Withered Poem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _There are no chains on your wrists now._
> 
> (You miss her.)

 

_I seek the past, and it parts from me_

_I should’ve understood, but why does it still hurt?_

_That tone remaining in my ears_

_For how long will it resound in my heart?_

(“枯詩 [Kare Uta]” by The Gazette)

 

* * *

 

There are no chains on your wrists now.

The sunlight reaches you here, unlike in the ocean depths, and it’s actually the wind playing with your hair-- not water, not a mere image. It has been so long, but finally you can breathe again.

Finally, you’re free.

You’re free and yet it feels wrong.

 _Everything_ feels so wrong...

Uncomfortable, like you’re trapped inside your own skin, and it takes all the willpower not to scratch lines across your face. But even if you cry out, you’re not sure if your voice will be heard. You fold into yourself, hugging your arms ( _too thin, too frail, too small_ ) with hands well aware of the empty space between your fingers.

You reach out, searching for something, anything, to fill the gap. Nothing feels just right. Nothing fits quite like...

There is an emptiness inside you, shaped in that person’s likeness-- the one you should avoid, and yet you yearn. She slithers into your hollow thoughts, crawling, seeping in like a poison inside your veins. You constantly look over your shoulder ( _is she watching from the shadows?_ ) because you _know_ her. She is never too far from you.

(but even if you cry out, you’re not sure if your voice will be heard)

You constantly look over your shoulder, but you do not find what you’re searching for. There is an involuntary twinge of regret deep in your core, and your fingers twitch every time you manipulate water, every time you remember how the water once enveloped your whole being like an embrace. Chains may have bound you then, but they bound you to someone else, connecting your hands together no matter how far apart-- it was almost like holding hands.

There are no chains on your wrists now, but...

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kanji lyrics taken from here but the translation used in this fic is by me.


End file.
